Journey of Ramesh through his ears

The Voice Inside My Head

In the second story of our series, we’ll be talking about the inspiring lung cancer survivor and fighter Ramesh (name changed to protect his identity). Ramesh’s life was going on a very smooth track. He was content with his job and perfectly happy with his wife and a 5-year-old son, when he received life-changing news. “Ramesh, you have lung cancer. It’s still in the early stages; hence it’s possible to treat it. You have various treatment options”, his doctor explained. But the only word that kept resonating in Ramesh’s ears the whole time was “Cancer… cancer… cancer…”. He couldn’t focus on any other word that came out of the doctor’s mouth. Never in his lifetime had he thought that he would ever hear these two words associated together: ‘Cancer’ & ‘Ramesh’. After that, the next sound that he remembers hearing was the sound of an ambulance which was passing by when he had gone to a hospital to talk about his further treatment. The sound of the ambulance put him in a trance; he kept thinking to himself, “Would someday they’ll bring me to the hospital in an ambulance as well?”. The doctor’s call bell sound pulled him out of that trance. He went inside the doctor’s cabin with trembling legs and sat across from him. It was hard for him to make out what the doctor was saying because he could only hear his own heart throbbing in his ears. He did not understand if it was even normal for a human heart to beat that loudly. The doctor explained to him all about his cancer, its stage, grade and treatment. Ramesh reveals that at that point, his thoughts felt like they were ringing in his ears, screaming that maybe his time was near. He was battling with his own thoughts when he heard a bell ring at a distance. It wasn’t any normal bell; it was a faint sound of the prayer bells ringing in a nearby temple. Ramesh told us that he wasn’t a very religious person, but as soon as the resonating sound of the bells fell on his ears, the chaos inside him seemed to calm down a bit. This newfound calmness helped Ramesh focus better on his doctor’s words, who said that his cancer hasn’t spread to other organs; hence, his survival chances were higher. Listening to the sound of the bells and his doctor’s words helped Ramesh see the light at the end of this rather pitch-black tunnel called cancer.

But it wasn’t long before the resonating sound of the prayer bells, and his doctor’s encouraging words were replaced by the deafening silence of Ramesh’s hospital room. The only sound he could hear in that dead silent room was of the drip, the beeping of the monitor and doctors discussing about him in hushed voices. Even when the doctors were in the room, it was so silent that one could even hear the sound of a pin dropping on the white marble tiles. The silence of his hospital room made Ramesh’s ears yearn to listen to his 5-year-old son crying and talking about his favorite superheroes. And the voice of his voice bickering about the family drama in her favorite daily soap. Yet, as things started getting difficult and the side effects worsened throughout the treatment, he could only hear this little voice inside his head. This voice screamed in his ears every day, convincing him to give up. We asked Ramesh how he fought this voice inside his head and what helped him in doing that? He smiled brightly and said, “the voice of Kishore da”. Whenever the voice inside his head started talking negatively, Ramesh would just play one of Kishore Kumar’s songs to drain out the little voice spewing negative words in his ears. He kept fighting that voice, he kept fighting it till he could no longer hear it. He kept fighting it till the day he went to his doctor after 5 years of constant follow up visits, and the doctor finally uttered the words, “Ramesh, you’re cancer-free!”. ‘Cancer-free! Cancer-free! Cancer-free!’ Yet again, it was the only word that was resonating in his ears. The voice inside his head finally went silent. After which, he realized that sometimes fighting that voice is harder than fighting cancer itself.

Hence, it’s important to not “hear” the voice of your negative thoughts but instead focus on “hearing” the sound of the prayer bells of hope!

Now, it is time for a short message from Ramesh himself: “I will forever be grateful to the entire team of Sunrise Oncology Center who not only managed my disease well but also motivated and guided my family and me throughout this rollercoaster of a journey. Thank you, Dr. Bhosale and the team, for handling patients like me with utmost care.

With love,

From a Lung Cancer survivor.”